Day 108

Intestines and partially defatted fatty tissue?
Introducing Armour Potted Meat Food Product.

Smell test: fairly neutral.
Taste test: Super-salty, gritty, ground-up hot dogs.

The potted meat takes a ride on the bread boat.

Next One in Line

Listen to me: You know I wouldn't tease you twice in a row without a good excuse. I have one. I came across a fabulous opportunity to accept rotting food in the mail, and this is the Advance Photo. I don't have time to add the previous item yet (the one with the intestines and partially defatted fatty tissue), but I also can't wait to post something this juicy. Once I receive this lovely item, I will be giving credit to the sender, and as always, documenting everything as only a Mold Nerd can.
Kisses,
Mold Nerd

Armour Strikes Again

OK Food Fairies, this is going to be our next addition. You don't need to know what it is yet. Read the ingredients first.

Questions? Yeah, I have a question.
Who. Eats. This. Shit. (?)

In case you didn't know, beef tripe is the intestines of a cow. But don't ask me what partially defatted fatty tissue is. To be continued...

Day 105

The substance in this last picture intrigues me. Click on it for the larger version. This is an extreme closeup of something growing out of the mix. It sort of reminds me of oyster mushrooms or ear mushrooms or whatever they're called.

Q&A with L&F

Once the rot kicked in, I started getting a number of questions through e-mail and through drunk dials (you guys rock) about what’s going on. I also have to assume the non-hashers who find the site by Googling "Sex with Food" also have some questions. So here you go.

Q: Hey Trash Scientist, why would Google direct anyone to this site if they're searching for "Sex with Food?" There's no reference to sex anywhere.
A: Well guess what? Thanks to this entry, there are now THREE references to sex with food. Make that four.
Sex with food.

Q: What was the most disgusting thing you added to the mix?
A: The black sesame seeds. They rotted, turned white, and kept just enough structural integrity to look and feel like tiny larvae. I know because I got splashed with some of the mix during the Prom bibbing and noticed some of them.

Q: What is the Drunken Scientist Lair?
A: It's where the nation's most intense alcohol research takes place. (OK, it's my condo. Don't ruin the illusion, damn you.)

Q: When did you decide to add stuff to the mix?
A: As of Day 76, adding stuff became The Cool Thing To Do. We even took guest donations. The original cutoff day for additions was the halfway point, which was around day 180, because we wanted to give any chunks an adequate time to rot away. When we borrowed some mix for the NC/SC bibbing, we decided to keep adding food. The final addition to the mix was the ultimate thickener: The demonic cheese sauce that smelled worse than the mix itself.

Q: You say you wanted to give the chunks an adequate time to rot away, but on Day 258, you added chunky stuff. Why?
A: We decided a few chunks would be cool, so we added a non-blended chicken stew. Plus, I was just too damn lazy to blend anything that day. It was a good experiment. Everything broke down in record time.

Q: Hey, instead of blending stuff, did you ever chew it first and spit it into the jar?
A: Nope. The food would have combined with my spit, and spit is a bodily fluid. No bodily fluids ever touched the mix.

Q: Did you ever secretly add bugs?
A: No insects. We added gross things, but everything we added was something that was originally produced for consumption and sold at a retail establishment.

Q: At some points during the year, your main container had panty hose covering it. Did your ultra-creative shield keep all the bugs out?
A: Yes. The patented Pantyhose Bug Shield did an amazing job keeping out unwanted vermin. Check days 114 and 261 for the pics.

Q: Do you think the mix would ever dry out? And if it dried out, how would you have gotten it out of the container?
A: Up until the cheese sauce was added on day 308, there was always enough water in the main jar to keep the worry-level low. Even after the sauce was added, it was still OK. If it had dried out a little after that, we could have always added some sort of liquid.

Q: As for your website layout, how did you get all those previous postings listed on the sidebar? I have a blogger site and it only lets me list my last 10 postings.
A: You have to delete the pre-formatted blogger section in the Template and do your own HTML. I know some HTML for the same reason I knew some Basic back in the day: I’m a nerd. A mold nerd.

Q: Hey Trash Scientist, are you bibbed?
A: Yes. Multiple entries will lead you to that conclusion. My bib is the end result of dozens of road trips and more than 30,000 miles of driving. My Carolina Trash bib is my most prized hash possession.

Q: What are your other prized hash possessions?
Your questions suddenly got personal. But OK, I'll bite. My Charlotte Happi Coat, my G-Spot 10-hash dog tag and my wooden Trash mug.

Q: Why is your bear named Rhino?
A: If you haven't seen my wicked-mean bear yet, he's here.
His name is Rhino because he had to have Rhinoplasty. I found him after a torrential rainstorm in the parking lot of the Home Depot near the Drunken Scientist Lair, lying face-down in an oversized orange shopping cart. He was wet and miserable and torn in multiple places. His nose was almost completely gone. I immediatly took him home, took his stuffing out and put the non-stuffing parts of him through a gentle wash cycle. As I was letting him air-dry, I called around until I found a decent Bear Surgeon, who restuffed him and sewed him up. He has recovered physically, but still bears some mental scars (yeah, I did a pun) from his former torturous owners. When he was 100%, I brought up hashing. He was intrigued, so I explained everything, including what the bib mix was all about.

Q: What’s the deal with your camera?
A: It’s a Canon A620. 7MP. It takes rechargeable AA’s and makes me very happy. Here's a suggestion for anyone with a digital camera: learn every feature it has. It will be worth it.

Q: How did you get so smart?
A: I think it’s the mold. And I don’t watch TV. Well, I do for work, but that’s it.

Q: Will you please please please take a picture of yourself naked?
A: Um. No. No one wants to see that. Trust me.

Day 101: Celebration

The mix is finally molding. [Yay!]

Mold on the side of the jar.

A flash picture to show the nastiness of the slime.

An extreme closeup of the various types of growth.
Click on this pic. You've GOT to see this one close up.

Let's not forget a beauty shot of the bread.

Day 96

The liquid layer in the middle is getting smaller.

The bread is sinking.

Smell test: Sour.

What the Hell is This?

Armour owes me an apology. Immediately.

Milk Gravy? I Think Not.

Smell Test: 100% Cat Food.

Piggy Brains Love To Float

First off, what do you think of when you think of milk gravy? How about something milky? And thick perhaps? Check out that lame pink liquid. Not that the rest of it is impressive. You know what we have here? CAT FOOD. Please sweet Jesus, tell me who would eat this? I might get excited if it was in one large piece, but it's just laying there. Since there was no structural integrity of any sort, I made the executive decision to stuff the chunks in the refrigerated bottle instead of in the jar. All but about a teaspoon of the liquid made it in, too.

(Unless you're a geek like me, stop reading now or you will become either scared or bored.)

On a technical note, I've been learning a little more about lighting and other-camera related nonsense. I'm taking most of these pictures on my kitchen counter, and the only light source I currently have in there is from two sunlight flourescents on the ceiling. Without the flash, the pics turn out too dark, but with the flash, all the gory details get washed out. With this top photo, all I did was put my LED headlamp on my cranium. But note how annoying soft the shot is; I wanted HARSH lighting to mimic my Milk Gravy Anger. The bottom shot of the bottle was me shining a flashlight on it, in an attempt to illuminate some of the brain chunks inside. Oh, and I had to learn how to manually focus, because it was impossible to get the camera to focus on anything other than the tiny bits stuck to the inside of the plastic. Now I'm playing with exposure lengths and other totally nerdy things. See what happens when I'm not road-whoring? But look at it this way: There's now going to be PIG BRAINS IN THE BIB MIX.

Our Next Addition

Day 91

Check out the aggressive mold on the bread, right near the mix. There's a lot of puffy white stuff, and a strange yellow formation at the bottom-center of the photo. Smell test: success. The horrific odor proves that sun, heat, air and a huge pile of mold can be detrimental to pleasantness.

Day 88

Mold is crippling the structural integrity of the bread.



The jar is now outside permanently.



No bugs in the jar, please. Panty hose anyone?

Mmmm... Appetizing

Click on pic, then expand to full size if necessary.

Your efforts will be worth it.

Day 83

What tests the limits of low-sized photos?

Loads of Fuzzy Mold

I just learned that sub-100k photos are not going to do this mold justice. I look at this and I'm not getting the full mental impact that I get from gawking at the wide expanse of mold in person. Not that taking huge pictures is a problem, since I have a bad-ass awe-inspiring camera. I'm just saying.

The Mold is Winning The Battle of the Bread

I don't think I mentioned what I sold to get my camera. My car. Yeah, I sold my crippled 1990 Honda Civic for just enough cash to get a Canon PowerShot A620 and a 1MB memory card. This tiny wonder of a camera takes film-quality prints that are bigger than an 8 1/2 x 11 piece of paper. So it looks like I'll be back outside tomorrow afternoon with the camera and the jar.

Day 81

Hell yeah.