The Year-Long Trash Bib Mix

The Prom Bibbing

2006-12-18T20:29:00.000-05:00

Look at how many hashers are sitting there steeping in sludge.

THE VICTIMS:
Chef Boy R Dumb
Clean Clam
Dimmer Switch
Ear Shot
Fahrfromfuken
Gone With The Schwinn
Male Order Bride
Not So Silent Bob
Obi Wan Kumonmi
Porkymon
Silence of the Clams

Here's the view from the other side.

Silence isn't in the pic because she was bibbed right before this group. She has a severe allergy to salmon, which was included in our mix. So Buck doused her with a custom made jar of sludge. Notice Clam about to hurl from the smell.

Buck actually poured the year-old mix on everyone seperately before pouring the actual mix on everyone. The actual mix is this orange one coming from the cooler. We wanted to keep them separate because we thought it would be better if the year-old mix didn't hit anyone in the face. It was that gross. I guess some of them got it in their hair, though. Ear Shot later said his skin burned a little right before he jumped in the shower. From what I know, no one got sick. I guess we dodged a bullet on that one.

Here's the flour portion.

BULLETIN - This news comes from Trashy:
"Prom was the last of the nasty bibs for the Trash. That's only been going on for a few years, and it's not our tradition. New mismanagement for 2007 met over dinner and we talked about things. One of the things we've nixed is pre-made foul bibbings. It's back to beer and flour for us."

The masses scatter amid a cloud of flour. This is actually two unmerge-able photos that were merged anyway. Click on it for a larger view.

What an incredible ending to a really disgusting tradition. The smell was so insanely bad. And we left all the mess there for the school kids to come back to the next day. Not only did we get to experience the wild odor while locked in the U-Haul ride back to the hotel, I was among the 5 people who got to experience it when Clam got back to our hotel and showered. There was no oxygen left anywhere in the suite, so LaTuFu and I kept Clam in the shower while we cleaned up the bathroom. We threw out all her clothes, bagged up her bib and wiped down the entire bathroom with rubbing alcohol. This is because any spot where there was mix created a flood of fumes. With all the spots gone, the smell gradually improved.

Oh, I also got some bib mix on me from the bibbing. Moral: Payback's a bitch.

Thank you to Gang Bang and Ear Shot for the photos.

On Out

Pictures of the Year

2006-12-10T00:57:00.000-05:00

Day 1
Mixing By Hand

Day 56
The Mix is Crowning Over Itself

Day 83
The Bread Sauna

Day 105
The Vilest of Growing Molds

Day 114
Transfer Day

Day 118
Super-Edgy Lighting

Day 123
The Feta Goo

Day 137
Morbidly Gorgeous

From Day 161
The Second Container Finally Gets Gross

From Day 171
We're Going To Dump This On People?

From Day 181
The Half and Half Did The Job

Day 284
Everything Combined With Chunks On Top

Day 355
Brown, Blended and Beyond Bad

Day 364: Packing Up

2006-12-07T22:02:00.000-05:00

We need to pack up the donation.
For odor control.

Now the foil-covered jar goes in a trash bag.

Now the bag goes in the cooler.

Now the cooler goes in another bag.
But something seems to be missing.

That's better. On-Out.

The Final Check

2006-11-19T13:41:00.000-05:00

Note there is no more liquidy separation. The cheese sauce made the final product the perfect consistency. After more than 11 months, it looks like the bix mix is finally ready.

Day 329

2006-11-04T16:08:00.000-05:00

MIXING DAY

Day 308

2006-10-14T13:46:00.000-04:00

OK. The mix is ready. The sauce goes in, the lid goes on, and we wait.

Day 300

2006-10-07T18:50:00.000-04:00

There's a thick, glossy layer of funk on top of the former chicken stew.

Close-up of random mold.

Here's the cheese sauce. It smells so bad, I'm actually shocked.

Amazingly Bad

2006-09-29T04:23:00.000-04:00

I forgot about the sauce for about a week. I noticed it this morning while I was getting ready for work. I really shouldn't have opened it. This is bad, people. It actually smells worse than the bib mix itself. I opened the lid and the odor that rushed out was so obnoxious I actually gasped and had to quickly put the lid back on. Taking the photo was a true exercise in speed. I'm currently de-stinking my house... er... I mean, the Drunken Scientist Lair. I have no idea how I'm going to get this mess into the bib mix jar. This is so horrible.

Cooking with the Drunken Chef

2006-09-21T09:51:00.000-04:00

Welcome to Cooking with the Drunken Chef. Today, we're going to be creating a lovely cheese sauce. We start with the items that we'll be blending to create a base for the cheese to melt into. The flavor will be coming from the spices in the (really really) aged couscous and the sauce from the funky chicken thing. The liquid will be coming from the extra-squishy tomatoes from the vine. Actually, they used to be from the vine. By now they've fallen off and are pleasantly shrivelly.

As you can tell, the cheese is exceptionally aged. Here we have a lovely Sage Gouda on the left, and a Cream Haverty on the right.

Blending will help liquefy the base and assist in keeping the cheese from burning on the heat.

See? Doesn't that look better than all that nasty solid food?

Using a non-stick pan and a medium heat, we put the cheese chunks on top of the liquidy base.

Stir frequently as the cheese melts.

Here is the finished product. This is probably the first thing we've made for the mix that hasn't smelled bad. This actually smells rather fragrant. Because of this, we'll have to make it rot before we add it to the jar.

Notice the consistency isn't pefectly smooth. Don't feel like a failure if yours turns out this way. It will get way more chunky in the following few weeks.

Here's where the sauce will be resting. It's starting to get not-so-hot during the day and cool at night, so I'm leaving our creation inside for now.

Day 284

2006-09-21T04:49:00.000-04:00

Day 279

2006-09-17T16:32:00.000-04:00

Day 261

2006-08-28T21:10:00.000-04:00

Thankfully, there are always a few pair of pantyhose at the house. Which means there are always a few bug screens at the house. The chicken dinner looks exactly like it did three days ago. That is confusing the Drunken Scientist Committee because it's been 90 degrees here during the day.

Day 258

2006-08-25T19:24:00.000-04:00

This photo is actually from Day 244, when I loaded up Thor to go to the Shoot the Hooch hash. There was 900-1000 pounds of beer in my truck, and that does not include the kegs. This was river beer, and it contributed to a stellar weekend. There's a reason I'm showing this picture on Day 258...

It's because (gasp!) there was beer remaining. And it's in my foyer. I have to admit, there was only extra beer because the better half of the Drunken Scientist Committee made sure she had more than enough beer for the river.

Oh, and also... we had leftover chicken dinner from the Shoot the Hooch hash to add to the mix.

This is an important addition to the mix, because this is the first time we're adding full food chunks instead of blending everything first.

Crap. I can't find my panty hose. So I don't have a bug covering for now.

I'll just put the lid back on until I can find an adequate bug shield.

Day 255

2006-08-22T22:00:00.000-04:00

So I finally got the celery salt up off the ground. And while I was adding spices, I decided to see whether I had anything in my collection that I never use. Black sesame seeds sound like a great addition.

The mix has been sitting outside, covered, for quite some time. No new mold. Just a large skank and a nice crust on the inside of the jar. What's up with the "No Drama" shirt, you ask? That is lost property from the Shoot the Hooch hash. Like any sensitive hasher would, I posted it as lost, and we found the owner. I Da Ho and House of Boobs get the credit for sleuthing. It's Colonel Brokeback's shirt from Peach Fuzz (Augusta). Before I mail it off, I thought I'd use it in a pose. Wow, I really want to cover the shirt in bib mix before I seal it in the envelope. One last note: Yes, that's Rhino in the background watching over things. Grrrr.

I have to do something about this liquid separation.

The salt and seeds are added.

Day 243

2006-08-10T19:53:00.000-04:00

Crap. I was just pre-mixing for Shoot the Hooch... the event put on by the co-founder of the Drunken Scientist Committee... I was trying to create a homemade bloody mary mix with real tomato juice and my container of celery salt exploded. Maybe I'll leave all that crap sit there on the floor until after the event and add it to the bib mix.

Day 230

2006-07-28T15:36:00.000-04:00

No, I didn't throw away the mix. It's still here. And the smell is coming THROUGH the plastic. I came near the jar for this picture and smelled the nastiness.

What's this headline and dateline for?

To show that my bib is also still with us. Here's my bib with the front page of today's Fayetteville Observer Online, with that same headline.

The photo that looked like it showed the remnants of the bib after I extinguished the fire was actually of one of my tore-up black hash shirts that I cut apart.

I can understand how someone can look at that last post and think I really burned my own bib. But some people who have followed the degeneration of the bib mix didn't believe it right away. That's because they have seen the posts like the one from June 18th, where I talk about my "berserk loyalty to the Trash." I can't really prove it if you never see me, so you'll have to take my word: Not only do I defend the Trash against all Trash-haters, I stand up (as high as my short-ass frame will allow) and proudly proclaim my induction. If that's not enough, let me reassure you of something: posting everything I've posted so far on this site has taken a LONG damn time. Call it a sick devotion, or whatever else you want. I wouldn't have done it if I wasn't proud to be a Trasher. I can't even IMAGINE burning a bib, no matter WHAT the situation. Anyone insane enough to do that many 750-mile round trips to Fayetteville and back does not have the mental capacity to get that worked up over ANYTHING.

Despite that, it was still sad to see and hear jokes about someone getting that much damage from getting hit that hard at an event. I guess it was a moment of sobriety that made me think "Hey, I wonder how harsh things would get if I make it look like I burned my most prized hash possession?" I know it took almost three weeks before people started posting something on the Trash Board, but the reaction was close to what my reaction would have been.

I decided to post these new pictures because I started feeling guilty. Call me weak. But I had just gone through something like 100 posts on the trash board about a different subject, and for the first time that I can remember, a flood of posts wasn't linked to drama. Sweet.

Hillary, if you're reading this, I read what you wrote this morning and was blown away. Yes, you got your point across and I completely agree with everything you wrote. To think you just saw someone burn their bib and still found the ability to write something that well thought-out is amazing. I would have failed at that.

Should someone be shunned if they burn a bib? I say absolutely. Should someone be shunned if they hit another hasher? I guess it depends. All I know is that if we were somewhere in the non-hash world, like Corporate America, my answers would be reversed. Uh... I think I just put my own brain into overload.

Drama

2006-07-08T19:56:00.000-04:00

DECEMBER '06 UPDATE: DO NOT TAKE THIS POST SERIOUSLY. IT WAS A FAKE BURNING MEANT TO CAUSE CREATE WHAT TRASH DOES BEST... DRAMA.

In the last post, I described the bibbing at NC/SC on 25 June.

That night, we held the NC/SC Shooting Star Hash.

It was during the hash that a Trasher hit another hasher in the face, and he got a pretty bad injury.

I consider both of them friends.

I'm not naming them because I don't see a point in doing it.

Despite the resulting drama, the Trasher is on CTrH3 website as a hare tomorrow, 9 July.

A lot has been said on the Trash Board about the incident, and about whether or not the Trasher should be kicked out of the hash.

Some people cheered for one "side" or the other.

Other people decided to write commentaries, and a majority of them had good points.

What does a disorganized group do when something like this happens?

I sure don't know.

And I sure don't feel the need to add another voice to the chorus.

But for some reason, I feel the need to do something.

But what?

This is where I'm hitting a mental wall.

Oh well, I'll think of something.

On Out

A Side Project

2006-07-06T21:31:00.000-04:00

Some of the mix is put into jars the night before NC/SC.

Secure jars are important when you're driving with a substance this nasty.

The donation in the jars is added to the NC/SC bib mix.

Twattoo and Rusty Prick are doused with the mix.

Hey, you guys smell great. Congratulations.

Thanks to Bumper for the NC/SC pics.

Important Note

2006-06-19T17:24:00.000-04:00

Due to the number of comments we’ve received recently, we of the Drunken Scientist Committee would like to clear something up:

The Drunken Scientist Committee is Not Trying to Make The Entire Bib Mix for Prom.

Right before a bibbing, everyone in circle is allowed to pour liquid from their vessels into the Bib Mix. These are donations, and that’s pretty much what we’ve always intended this rotting mass to be. The word "donation" has always been at the top of this page, and is also in the explanation in the right-side column. The DSC has never dreamed of plotting a Trash Coup. Now you know.

-The Mold Nerd

I Got Really Scared

2006-06-18T00:09:00.000-04:00

Speaking for my half of the Drunken Scientist Committee, the two main reasons I've been spending all this time on this odd project are my love of morbid science and my berserk loyalty to the Trash. So it came as a surprise today when I looked online and found that I was excluded from something that I hold so dear.

It started when All Tongues posted the latest list of Who's Cumming for NC/SC 2006, which was ordered by the number of people who were representing each hash. Specifically, he said 21 wankers were representing the host city of Charlotte, while 19 wankers were representing Trash. Buck responded thusly:

I have to contest your counting skills. Just because I am a Trasher... and Drama is what we do ever so well. I believe that your numbers should read more Trashers than Charlotte Harlots!!!! I mean being a trasher is like being a Marine. Once a Marine always a Marine. Once a bibbed Trasher always a Trasher. And I'll even give you a few trashers to make the Charlotte hash list still be in the twenty's.

By my counts the following are Trash for Life!!!!! 27
Scab Ass Rising - Shit Clogger - Hedgey - Little Richard - Buck-a-Fuffalo - Cheap Mexican Whore - Bumper Bullets - Doe-Nutt - Casper - Smoov Operwator - Ass Spelunker - BUI - Hershey Squirt - Fiber Opdick - Tinky Winky - Pantalones de la Mierda de la Sacudida del Spooge - Robin Red Breast - Any Ol' Lesbian Will Do - Diddy - Hillary Rodehim - Man-He-Shoveitz - Puck You - All Hands On Clit - Obi-Wan - Kumonmi - Whorenado Alley - Poison Penis - Sextion 8

Charlotte Harlots!!!! 24
All Tongues on Deck - Vitamin D Cup - Shit Happens - Hollow Beaver - Fur Breeze - Lost & Fucked - Papsmear - Twattoo - Lost Cunt-Tree - Spitzer Swallows - Pukeachu - Deposit Only - Bucket Slut - Tourettes the Clown - Lightweight Larry - NFHN Emily - NFHN Debbie - NFHN - I Ottawa F**ked Her - Just Sonya - Uranus - MoneyShot - Meatwad

Now, I even gave you a few bones by giving you a few bibbed Trashers to make the list a little more reasonabley close. Spitzer, Twattoo (Charlotte Named Her), Shit Happens (I don't think even knows were his bib is anymore), L&F (He lives closer to Charlotte than Nam.) And if you really want to get technicial the Trash can add to its list all of its Trash Bags or Trash by injections and we would be in the 40 or 50's, but we won't do that to the innocent Charlotte women that they once where.....HAHAHA.

I hope you enjoy my list and on behalf of the Carolina Trash 1/2 GM, we look forward to destroying another event by our presence alone... Good day and Watch out here comes the TRASH!!!!!

on-on
buck

I suddenly got rather distressed. I couldn't accept that the location of my Drunken Scientist Lair was what brought this about. Panic set in while I tried to grasp the concept that my hash idol just kicked me to the curb, putting me on a list of consessions rather than on the supreme list of Trash for Life. Did I wake up in some horrific parallel universe where everything I cherish is now gone? I had to find out, and quickly. The first thing I did was rip off my pants for a package check.

Excellent. Then I ran to my hash necklace to look for my G-Spot dog tag, which is a treasured item that my hash idol gave me last year at Trifukta.

So far so good. Then I sprinted to my deck to make sure the bib mix donation was still there.

Thank God. But now what? Because I'm rather half-minded, I couldn't figure this out. Then I realized I would need to think like an intelligent person if I was to understand why this happened. I decided to meditate (I drank until the room started spinning) and came to a sudden realization. He had really picked my name to sacrifice because of another bestowed honor...

...but he didn't mention this because he didn't want to draw attention to it and possibly embarass me in front of everyone. (I'm shy like that.) At the same time, shifting some names around was necessary because he was trying to prove his point without the overkill, which would have alienated people through perceived exaggeration. It's like being in the high school debate club and pummeling people with quick thinking and logic, but without the debate. Or the high school.

I took my findings to the Drunken Scientist Committee, and the case is now considered closed. Now if I can only get the room to stop spinning.

-The Mold Detective

Day 185 - The Halfway Point

2006-06-13T16:53:00.000-04:00

To celebrate six months of mold development, I combined the mess from both containers and put a lid on it. So everything on the ingredients page is finally together. Check out the pics from the last post. It smells as bad as it looks, and it got to the point where I couldn't be on my deck anymore. The stench was overpowering. That, and I was getting a couple flies hanging out every day on the other side of my screened-in deck. Yeah, The Mold Nerd sounds like he has become a pussy, but hey, there's a limit. And I honestly feel I took that part of the experiment as far as it could go. Smell test: worse than I ever expected. Visual: Insane.

Now it's time for something new. I'll get inspired with ideas soon.

-Sono Kabi Otaku

Day 181

2006-06-09T21:10:00.000-04:00

Day 171

2006-06-02T16:47:00.000-04:00

The fat raft from the half and half is allowing for beautiful mold development in the liquid container.

Just lovely.

Fat wrinkles?

The potato is being attacked.

It's amazing what five days can do.

Day 166

2006-06-02T16:39:00.000-04:00

Wow, nasty.

Shimmering and colorful.

This is just sick.

It's like a hard shell.

What's the spotted brown crap toward the bottom left?

Plop.

The Last Addition

2006-05-29T22:44:00.000-04:00

I found this bag on my doorstep on Day 163. I'm not kidding. Someone anonymously dropped off a sweet potato. There's only one thing they would want me to do with it. So I did it. The photos are:
1. The bag with my hash name taped to it.
2. The beauty shot of the potato.
3. The potato in the microwave.
4. The potato, after cooking for 5 minutes.
5. The potato done cooking after 10 minutes.
6. The potato cut up.
The "meat" then went into the fridge to cool off.

Day 161

2006-05-20T06:55:00.000-04:00

One of the benefits of double containers is that it makes the Mold Nerd doubly happy. Especially when civilians come over. It elicits twice the fright.

The lack of action in the liquid container should not be a surprise, since I have gone over the salt-acid thing numerous times already. I do like the pink spot of mold in the center though. That's coming from the Terrible Trio, which also appears to have achieved a whitish sheen.

Check out the fabulous action coming from the blended container. It's more of that patterned mold. Using the beauty shot of both containers from Day 151 as a frame of reference, I can deduce that the yeast had a lot to do with this funky new visual.

Day 151

2006-05-14T09:13:00.000-04:00

The yeast with the boring liquid removed.

Yeast: beauty shot #2.

The yeast sits on top of the half and half raft.

The yeast adds some needed color to the blended mess.
Note the pretty white mold.
That brown crap on the blended Terrible Trio is not spots of yeast. That's some sort of funk.

Take a good look, wankers. This is the donation at 5 months.

The bug cover goes back on.

The Peeps are Gone

2006-05-14T08:56:00.000-04:00

The Drunken Scientist Committee has decided that the best way to kill Peeps and "remove" the evidence is to drown them in yeasty water. The tomatoes in the background are fresh, which means they will end up being consumed by humans, not by bacteria.

Taste test: a little sour. The Mold Nerd has decided that this is because there was no fermentation, so there was no alcohol in the liquid to keep the bacteria away.

The Disappearing Peeps

2006-05-14T08:45:00.000-04:00

Help meeeee... I'm mellllllting!

Fermentation check: No no no.

Mmmm... mushy.

Day 148: Cuervo's Donation

2006-05-07T14:39:00.000-04:00

This is what happens when a dog addresses a box. Yes, the Terrible Trio came from a non-human, and I kept it a secret from all of you until now.
I'm crafty like that.

No post-mixing mold.
Yet.

The side of the container.

Here is the container with the liquid in it. It looks like all the half and half floated to the top. Notice the two different colors. I added more half and half the other day, and it actually stayed on top of the old half and half.

The side of the liquid container.

This is what the liquid looked like after I put the blended Terrible Trio on top. It actually sat on top of the half and half "raft." Some of the brown liquid washed up over the top.

The blended Terrible Trio on top of the other blended foodstuffs.

Note the color similarities.
BORING. At least until the mold starts.

Blending the Terrible Trio

2006-05-07T14:17:00.000-04:00

Where the hell are the shells?
We've been robbed of entertainment.

I'm stifling all comments.

I was expecting to see beasts.
These are chopped up.
They'll be even worse in a few minutes.

Where the hell are the tenticles?

Smell test: Yeeowza.

Take one last look.

Say goodbye to the Terrible Trio.

Note the dull color.

In a container for now.
To be continued...

The Edgy Yeast Experiment

2006-05-07T13:35:00.000-04:00

The molasses ale has been decanted.

A new container for the new project.

A row of Peeps at the ready.

Water is collected.
A Trash glass has never been photographed so beautifully.

Peeps refuse to drown.

The yeast and yeasty ale are added.

How do you keep a good Peep down?
With an extra container of water placed on top.

The yeast settles quickly.

The yeast even settles on the Peeps.

The water and ale attack the Peeps.

The Peeps are yeasty and bubbly.

The Terrible Trio

2006-05-07T13:07:00.000-04:00

The first two. So... foreign.

No explanation needed.
(As long as you can read.)

No explanation needed.
(But note: INK SAUCE)

The third of the three.

"Hey, L&F, can I use your blender?"
"Sure, it's in the far cabinet."
"Hey, L&F, what's stuck in the jar?"
"Um... that would be fish scales."
"Hey, L&F... you're extra odd."

Day 140: Mixing Day

2006-04-29T19:39:00.000-04:00

The official mold mixing implement.
Note the dead moth, which succumbed to the smell.

I take a deep breath...

...and plunge the mixer beyond the crusty top layer.

Bluaahhhgghh.
I feel like that moth right now.

Hmmm. There's lots of solid bread still.

Spinning the nastiness off the mixer.

Smell test: Loads of unhappiness.

Yeasty Entertainment

2006-04-29T00:08:00.000-04:00

The yeast is waiting to eat.
The molasses and water are in the pot.

I'm adding the mixture to the yeast.
Yes, I'm pouring and snapping the photo at the same time.
I can also drink and fall down at the same time. Sweet.

Shake violently to piss off the yeast cells.

One hour later.
The yeast cells are pissed.

Edgy photo from a highly creative drunk.

Maybe I should explain this now. This gunk is a Belgian Ale yeast strain that LaTuFu scraped out of the bottom of his fermenter. Apparently, he kept the beer for future use. The first time I talked to him about his donation, my only concern was the transportation. I used to brew beer, so I was worried that the yeast would continue doing the yeast thing during the trip, and build up so much pressure, the container would blow and UPS would then stand for Uber-Pissed Shipper. Or something like that.

A few days later, LaTuFu said the yeast was behaving in his fridge, and that he would overnight it to me with an ice pack inside to help keep the temperature down. UPS delivers most overnight packages by 10:30a, and I don't get off work until 1p. Normally, I can catch the ground-shipment driver (Dennis) as he makes his 3:30p stop at the Office Depot near my house. But like most people, I have two UPS drivers, and I don't know the air-package guy or his route. Before I left for work Thursday morning, I taped a note to my door, telling the driver I would NEVER be able to get the package from him because of my schedule. I asked him to call me with a place I could meet him later in the day, and I would take the package of his hands.

I got home at 1:30p. There was an InfoNotice on my door, and it said the next delivery time would be before 10:30a the next day (Friday). As if my note never existed. My first call was leaving a message for Pledge Glen, to tell him he's been wasting my time and that he doesn't need to call me anymore. I said a few more choice things, but you don't need to be exposed to that much ugliness. Pledge Glen would end up depledging and that generated an assload of drama, but that's another story.

You have to understand something about me: I'm a very busy person, and inefficiency irritates me sometimes. Especially when it comes from stupid people. And since I'm also hyper, I will sometimes entertain myself by going on Personal Quests to get things done. Knowing that, my second call was to UPS to find out where the driver was. I somehow got around the automated system and got a human (Shandra, I think she said), and sweet-talked her into contacting the dispatcher for my area. The dispatcher's name is Charles, and he called me back at 3:20p. I told him I was sitting in front of Office Depot waiting for Dennis, on the off-chance some miracle occurred between my two drivers. Nope. He said Travis had my package, and that Travis would meet me at the Cumberland UPS store down the street from my house at 6p. And by the way... I now have Charles' direct line. Sweet.

Notice all the names I'm throwing out. That's because when you go on Personal Quests, you need to keep all names and all phone numbers. Trust me.

5:55p. I go into the UPS Store and ask the owner (Tom) if Travis has been in yet because he has a package of mine. Tom looks confused and asks who Travis is. See? This is what makes a Quest a Quest. It never ends.

5:56p. Tom says his 6p pick-up guy is Greg, and Greg is in back getting packages. Tom calls Greg up to the front. Greg tells me that he doesn't deliver to my area, and someone else has my package. I tell him Travis has my pacakge, but Greg doesn't know Travis, and doesn't know Travis' route.

5:59p. Greg calls Dispatcher Charles and Charles starts making calls. Greg gives Charles my number again, and I run back out to the car to get ready to bolt out of the parking lot. Travis has already been working 10 hours, and I have no idea if his 6p stop is his last stop.

6:05p. I get a hold of Charles. He says I was supposed to meet Travis at the Cumberland BOULEVARD location, which ended up being about three miles away. He asks me if I know where that store is, and I tell him no. I start up the car and start driving in that general direction while he finds the store and talks to Travis.

6:08p. Charles tells me that from what he can tell, the UPS Store on Cumberland Blvd is near a Quiktrip and a Panda Express. Those happen to be on Spring Road, and that intersection SUCKS during rush hour. Have you ever been stuck at an intersection and seen people who walk faster than you're driving? Yeah, that's it. Charles says I have five minutes.

6:09p. My hasher sense kicks in. I make a couple quick turns to take a back road to the area, and then pull into the back parking lot of the hotel that's next to Panda Express. I jump out of the car, and can HEAR the traffic. I jump a wood barricade, climb a small pine-straw hill and cut across the Panda parking lot. Weaving between idling cars, I run across Spring Road to Quiktrip, cut across THAT parking lot and then start running up Cumberland Blvd. The store is down this street somewhere. You might be asking yourself why I'm doing all this. Because I CAN. And I WILL get this damn package.

6:12p. I find the sign up the street. I weave between more idling cars and cut across one more parking lot.

6:13p. I meet Travis. He hands me a box that smells like beer. I tell him my story, and he explains why he didn't deal with my note. Apparently, he had 30 overnight packages to deliver in about 75 minutes this morning, and "didn't have time." I had the box in my hand, so the No Harm No Foul rule kicked in. Travis drives out of the parking lot and I walk back to the car. Right before I climb down the pine straw hill near my truck, I look back at the intersection. Travis is sitting there, idling in traffic with everyone else.

OK, that's the story. Check the pictures to get the rest.

May the Hash Get a Piece

Ear Shot's Suggestion

2006-04-28T23:59:00.000-04:00

So what happens when a Guest Donor suggests stirring up the mix?

You find utensils to do the job.

Actually, screw the kitchen implements.
How about a power drill and this pro mixer?
To be continued...

LaTuFu's Donation

2006-04-26T20:00:00.000-04:00

The box, my bad-ass box cutter and my lubricant.
Full story: later.
Smell test: beer.

Shot: gone
Beer: gulp
Box: open

Beer: another gulp
Box: damp
Bubble wrap: messy

The ice pack and messy container.
I love beer.

Container is free from bubble wrap.
More beer is free from the bottle.

Container is still full.
Beer is empty.

Yeast is poured into new bottle.
More bourbon is poured into shot glass.

LaTuFu's mess is temporarily outside with:
1. Containers
2. Ear Shot's cardboard box
3. A lot of Georgia pollen

The second shot of bourbon is now gone.
The shot glass and the beer bottle now contain water.
The water will mix with the yeast soon.
The molasses will mix with the yeast soon.
Things will then happen which will require an update.
Did I mention I just pounded three drinks?
Hey, LaTuFu... I no longer hate you.

Day 137

2006-04-26T19:42:00.000-04:00

Smell test: Way way way rank. Wow.

The final pre-shipment pic from Guest Donor #2.

This is Getting Interesting

2006-04-21T15:51:00.000-04:00

I got these pics through e-mail this afternoon. Another brilliantly motivated donor is sending me something that's Bib Mix Worthy. I've decided not to give out any details until I get the product; sort of like what happened with the Feta Goo. I will give you one hint: when I explain all this, I will also be retracting a statement I made yesterday. Check back in the middle of next week for an update.

Sex with Food

2006-04-20T17:42:00.000-04:00

This is also a Day 131 photo, but it was close to dark at the time I took it. This was a 3-second exposure without a tripod. Sorry. I took this because I needed to announce the crap that's below, but I've been told never to have text at the top of the site. Now for the news:

I just Googled "Sex with Food" (in quotes) and came up empty. Then I Yahoo'd it. Nothing. Then I MSN'd it and guess what came up on the first page of returns?

The World According to LaTuFu

That's because of his recent entry that DESCRIBED THIS SITE. Hey LaTuFu, I hate you. By the way, I finally came up in the returns, but it was on the fourth page. Then I decided to go to the ultimate search engine for scary stuff: http://blogsearch.google.com The second most popular result? LaTuFu's. Hey LaTuFu, did I mention I hate you?

But I was third, so that's cool. Maybe if I add a couple more "Sex with Food" lines, I'll be good.
Sex with Food
Food Porn
I Love Sex with Food
I Love Food Porn
Prom from Hell Sex with Food
Prom from Hell Food Porn
Carolina Trash Sex with Food
Carolina Trash Food Porn
CTrH3 Sex with Food
CTrH3 Food Porn
"Sex with Food"
"Food Porn"

If you don't understand what the hell I'm talking about, please go here:
http://bibmix.blogspot.com/2006/03/qa-with-lf.html

=========================================

[Update: 9 May 06 - Google is finally listing me for "Sex with Food." On page 32. I'm in the 300's, people. I hate everyone.]

[Update: 8 May 06 - #13 on Yahoo. Hell yeah. But wait... Ear Shot just put "Sex with Food" on his site multiple times just to spite me, and entered the charts at #8 on Google. I hate everyone.]

[Update: 1 May 06 - I am the #6 return on MSN for "Sex with Food."
Yahoo refuses to acknowledge my heinous trickery.]

[Update: 22 April 05 - I'm now #1 on Google's Blogsearch for "Sex with Food."]

Day 131

2006-04-20T16:56:00.000-04:00

Half and Half smell test: GAG

It was about time I paid attention to the "other" container. Nothing much was happening to it, so I decided to take the nasty half and half I had purchased for our Black Sheep Campout last month and pour it in. The top photo is of me pouring in the last of the really skanky stuff. The bottom photo is what the container looked like with everything in it.

This entry is dedicated to Josh, who is the Fraternity President who has graciously allowed the Trash to torture one of his pledges. Hey Josh: half and half is one of the tamest products in the mix. Check out the other pictures and the ingredients page for a better overview. Don't tell Glen about any of this until you talk to me or Sextion 8. We have interesting ways of explaining to pledges what the bib mix is all about.

Thank you sir,

Mister Lost & Fucked

Day 128

2006-04-19T13:36:00.000-04:00

Check out the bottom of the second picture. Part of the feta goo has turned into an interesting pattern of mold.

Update

2006-04-13T01:17:00.000-04:00

The teaser page for Ear Shot's donation has been upated with all four pictures of the Feta Goo before he mailed it. It appears to have morphed while in transit.

http://bibmix.blogspot.com/2006/03/next-one-in-line.html

Humbly,
-The Mold Nerd

Day 123

2006-04-12T15:27:00.000-04:00

We've decided that this looks like someone ejaculated on a chicken tender.

Ear Shot's Donation

2006-04-11T13:56:00.000-04:00

A big thank you goes out to Ear Shot, who is our first donor.
The ingredient: FETA GOO.

The unopened box and my wicked-cool box cutter.

Bubble wrap is an excellent way to protect rotting food.

The pretty packaging hides the nastiness inside.

Much tape keeps the festering feta and funk from escaping.

Smell test: rather unpleasant, but not overpowering.

The rubbery, gooey mass up close. Notice the mold.

Day 118

2006-04-08T23:49:00.000-04:00

Holy crizzap. Check out what happened to the meat. It sat out in the heat for 6 days and got a little skanky.

The mold on the side of the container is from a meat chunk.

You've got to love this lighting. These are outdoor shots, late in the day, with the flash off.

This is the toast. Er... what's left of it.

Here's a total bad-ass closeup of the toast. The light-brown mold looks like yeast. And check out that orangish mold at the top of the photo.

Day 116

2006-04-08T23:43:00.000-04:00

This is chocolate with an advanced case of chocolate bloom. This happens when you leave chocolate sitting out in the heat. The temperature swings make some of the cocoa butter separate and rise to the top. Look close for the dark bits of chocolate still visible to get an idea of how much lighter the top of this bar became. And I use the word "bar" lightly.

Here is an overhead shot of the liquid. Note that there has been some sort of curious separation going on in the container. Either that, or part of this is spoiling faster than the rest. Unfortunately, the chocolate sank to the bottom so you won't be seeing it again, at least for a couple hundred days.

Day 114: The Switch

2006-04-06T16:59:00.000-04:00

$2.50 each from the Container Store

The stuff from the bottle is now in a container.

Stuff scooped out from the jar.

A wider shot of the transfer.

Getting every last drop out.

Extra mold on the meat.

Wide shot of the transfer.

Beauty shot of the two containers.

Both containers, with the panty-hose bug-shield.

Soaking stuff in bleach water.

Day 110

2006-04-06T16:48:00.000-04:00

Oh my, that meat is molding.

Check out this fuzzy stuff.

Day 108

2006-03-28T15:36:00.000-05:00

Intestines and partially defatted fatty tissue?
Introducing Armour Potted Meat Food Product.

Smell test: fairly neutral.
Taste test: Super-salty, gritty, ground-up hot dogs.

The potted meat takes a ride on the bread boat.

Next One in Line

2006-03-28T01:13:00.000-05:00

Listen to me: You know I wouldn't tease you twice in a row without a good excuse. I have one. I came across a fabulous opportunity to accept rotting food in the mail, and this is the Advance Photo. I don't have time to add the previous item yet (the one with the intestines and partially defatted fatty tissue), but I also can't wait to post something this juicy. Once I receive this lovely item, I will be giving credit to the sender, and as always, documenting everything as only a Mold Nerd can.
Kisses,
Mold Nerd

Armour Strikes Again

2006-03-26T12:05:00.000-05:00

OK Food Fairies, this is going to be our next addition. You don't need to know what it is yet. Read the ingredients first.

Questions? Yeah, I have a question.
Who. Eats. This. Shit. (?)

In case you didn't know, beef tripe is the intestines of a cow. But don't ask me what partially defatted fatty tissue is. To be continued...

Day 105

2006-03-25T11:08:00.000-05:00

The substance in this last picture intrigues me. Click on it for the larger version. This is an extreme closeup of something growing out of the mix. It sort of reminds me of oyster mushrooms or ear mushrooms or whatever they're called.

Q&A with L&F

2006-03-23T23:07:00.001-05:00

Once the rot kicked in, I started getting a number of questions through e-mail and through drunk dials (you guys rock) about what’s going on. I also have to assume the non-hashers who find the site by Googling "Sex with Food" also have some questions. So here you go.

Q: Hey Trash Scientist, why would Google direct anyone to this site if they're searching for "Sex with Food?" There's no reference to sex anywhere.
A: Well guess what? Thanks to this entry, there are now THREE references to sex with food. Make that four.
Sex with food.

Q: What was the most disgusting thing you added to the mix?
A: The black sesame seeds. They rotted, turned white, and kept just enough structural integrity to look and feel like tiny larvae. I know because I got splashed with some of the mix during the Prom bibbing and noticed some of them.

Q: What is the Drunken Scientist Lair?
A: It's where the nation's most intense alcohol research takes place. (OK, it's my condo. Don't ruin the illusion, damn you.)

Q: When did you decide to add stuff to the mix?
A: As of Day 76, adding stuff became The Cool Thing To Do. We even took guest donations. The original cutoff day for additions was the halfway point, which was around day 180, because we wanted to give any chunks an adequate time to rot away. When we borrowed some mix for the NC/SC bibbing, we decided to keep adding food. The final addition to the mix was the ultimate thickener: The demonic cheese sauce that smelled worse than the mix itself.

Q: You say you wanted to give the chunks an adequate time to rot away, but on Day 258, you added chunky stuff. Why?
A: We decided a few chunks would be cool, so we added a non-blended chicken stew. Plus, I was just too damn lazy to blend anything that day. It was a good experiment. Everything broke down in record time.

Q: Hey, instead of blending stuff, did you ever chew it first and spit it into the jar?
A: Nope. The food would have combined with my spit, and spit is a bodily fluid. No bodily fluids ever touched the mix.

Q: Did you ever secretly add bugs?
A: No insects. We added gross things, but everything we added was something that was originally produced for consumption and sold at a retail establishment.

Q: At some points during the year, your main container had panty hose covering it. Did your ultra-creative shield keep all the bugs out?
A: Yes. The patented Pantyhose Bug Shield did an amazing job keeping out unwanted vermin. Check days 114 and 261 for the pics.

Q: Do you think the mix would ever dry out? And if it dried out, how would you have gotten it out of the container?
A: Up until the cheese sauce was added on day 308, there was always enough water in the main jar to keep the worry-level low. Even after the sauce was added, it was still OK. If it had dried out a little after that, we could have always added some sort of liquid.

Q: As for your website layout, how did you get all those previous postings listed on the sidebar? I have a blogger site and it only lets me list my last 10 postings.
A: You have to delete the pre-formatted blogger section in the Template and do your own HTML. I know some HTML for the same reason I knew some Basic back in the day: I’m a nerd. A mold nerd.

Q: Hey Trash Scientist, are you bibbed?
A: Yes. Multiple entries will lead you to that conclusion. My bib is the end result of dozens of road trips and more than 30,000 miles of driving. My Carolina Trash bib is my most prized hash possession.

Q: What are your other prized hash possessions?
Your questions suddenly got personal. But OK, I'll bite. My Charlotte Happi Coat, my G-Spot 10-hash dog tag and my wooden Trash mug.

Q: Why is your bear named Rhino?
A: If you haven't seen my wicked-mean bear yet, he's here.
His name is Rhino because he had to have Rhinoplasty. I found him after a torrential rainstorm in the parking lot of the Home Depot near the Drunken Scientist Lair, lying face-down in an oversized orange shopping cart. He was wet and miserable and torn in multiple places. His nose was almost completely gone. I immediatly took him home, took his stuffing out and put the non-stuffing parts of him through a gentle wash cycle. As I was letting him air-dry, I called around until I found a decent Bear Surgeon, who restuffed him and sewed him up. He has recovered physically, but still bears some mental scars (yeah, I did a pun) from his former torturous owners. When he was 100%, I brought up hashing. He was intrigued, so I explained everything, including what the bib mix was all about.

Q: What’s the deal with your camera?
A: It’s a Canon A620. 7MP. It takes rechargeable AA’s and makes me very happy. Here's a suggestion for anyone with a digital camera: learn every feature it has. It will be worth it.

Q: How did you get so smart?
A: I think it’s the mold. And I don’t watch TV. Well, I do for work, but that’s it.

Q: Will you please please please take a picture of yourself naked?
A: Um. No. No one wants to see that. Trust me.

Day 101: Celebration

2006-03-21T16:26:00.000-05:00

The mix is finally molding. [Yay!]

Mold on the side of the jar.

A flash picture to show the nastiness of the slime.

An extreme closeup of the various types of growth.
Click on this pic. You've GOT to see this one close up.

Let's not forget a beauty shot of the bread.

Day 96

2006-03-16T18:12:00.000-05:00

The liquid layer in the middle is getting smaller.

The bread is sinking.

Smell test: Sour.

What the Hell is This?

2006-03-13T21:52:00.000-05:00

Armour owes me an apology. Immediately.

Milk Gravy? I Think Not.

Smell Test: 100% Cat Food.

Piggy Brains Love To Float

First off, what do you think of when you think of milk gravy? How about something milky? And thick perhaps? Check out that lame pink liquid. Not that the rest of it is impressive. You know what we have here? CAT FOOD. Please sweet Jesus, tell me who would eat this? I might get excited if it was in one large piece, but it's just laying there. Since there was no structural integrity of any sort, I made the executive decision to stuff the chunks in the refrigerated bottle instead of in the jar. All but about a teaspoon of the liquid made it in, too.

(Unless you're a geek like me, stop reading now or you will become either scared or bored.)

On a technical note, I've been learning a little more about lighting and other-camera related nonsense. I'm taking most of these pictures on my kitchen counter, and the only light source I currently have in there is from two sunlight flourescents on the ceiling. Without the flash, the pics turn out too dark, but with the flash, all the gory details get washed out. With this top photo, all I did was put my LED headlamp on my cranium. But note how annoying soft the shot is; I wanted HARSH lighting to mimic my Milk Gravy Anger. The bottom shot of the bottle was me shining a flashlight on it, in an attempt to illuminate some of the brain chunks inside. Oh, and I had to learn how to manually focus, because it was impossible to get the camera to focus on anything other than the tiny bits stuck to the inside of the plastic. Now I'm playing with exposure lengths and other totally nerdy things. See what happens when I'm not road-whoring? But look at it this way: There's now going to be PIG BRAINS IN THE BIB MIX.

Our Next Addition

2006-03-12T19:05:00.000-05:00

Day 91

2006-03-11T17:45:00.000-05:00

Check out the aggressive mold on the bread, right near the mix. There's a lot of puffy white stuff, and a strange yellow formation at the bottom-center of the photo. Smell test: success. The horrific odor proves that sun, heat, air and a huge pile of mold can be detrimental to pleasantness.

Day 88

2006-03-09T14:32:00.000-05:00

Mold is crippling the structural integrity of the bread.

The jar is now outside permanently.

No bugs in the jar, please. Panty hose anyone?

Mmmm... Appetizing

2006-03-05T12:15:00.000-05:00

Click on pic, then expand to full size if necessary.

Your efforts will be worth it.

Day 83

2006-03-03T21:17:00.000-05:00

What tests the limits of low-sized photos?

Loads of Fuzzy Mold

I just learned that sub-100k photos are not going to do this mold justice. I look at this and I'm not getting the full mental impact that I get from gawking at the wide expanse of mold in person. Not that taking huge pictures is a problem, since I have a bad-ass awe-inspiring camera. I'm just saying.

The Mold is Winning The Battle of the Bread

I don't think I mentioned what I sold to get my camera. My car. Yeah, I sold my crippled 1990 Honda Civic for just enough cash to get a Canon PowerShot A620 and a 1MB memory card. This tiny wonder of a camera takes film-quality prints that are bigger than an 8 1/2 x 11 piece of paper. So it looks like I'll be back outside tomorrow afternoon with the camera and the jar.

Day 81

2006-03-01T18:58:00.000-05:00

Hell yeah.

Day 78

2006-02-26T13:57:00.000-05:00

Here's something I've never seen before...

Moldy Instant Coffee

So I was house-sitting/dog-sitting at Robin's house and jonesing (is that an actual word?) for some caffeine because the dogs woke me up so early. I was too lazy to deal with anything but instant, but all she had was about 1/4 cup from a larger jar. I twisted off the lid and got a surprise... the coffee pellets were stuck together and had a light dusting of MOLD on them. This kind of stuff isn't trashable anymore; it's a critical find. I took the jar back to my drunken-scientist lair, and with the help of a knife and some of the condiment/olive/fish sauce mixture, got the coffee clump freed from the bottom of the jar. The resulting liquid made its way back into the bottle and posed for a photo with the other addition for the day: moldy artisan bread.

The Bread and the Coffee Addition

Doesn't that look scrumptious? The bread isn't even that old, and it's already molding in a rainbow of colors. I cut the crusts off and stuffed the pieces into the jar until they fit.

The New Bread Sauna

Look at all that moisture on the inside of the jar. Can you say "Perfect Conditions for Bacterial Growth?" At least now I'll finally be able to post pictures of mold growing all over everything.

Day 76

2006-02-24T12:51:00.000-05:00

Ladies and gentlemen, I proudly present our new ingredient:

Fish Sauce: A New Level of Bad

Yes. Fish sauce. Salt mixed with the liquid from fish guts. And it smells as good as it sounds. At least we buy quality: Nuoc Mam is THE brand to buy when you're looking to add that indescribable taste to your food. For now, it's going into the refrigerated container on the left, since the crap in the jar isn't over-the-top gross yet.

I feel the need to add one more thing here: The fish sauce actually smells worse than the mix. Taking a whiff of the mix gives you this curious sensation that something might go horribly wrong soon, but I wouldn't describe it as repulsive yet. On the other hand, opening that 5-year-old bottle of Nuoc Mam is horrifying. I'm totally being honest when I say it smells more like infected bunghole than anything that came out of the sea and died. One-half cup of that really brought out the character of the condiment/olive combo. Unreal.

Day 56

2006-02-04T10:44:00.000-05:00

So I was just in the kitchen to grab a beer (why else would I be in the kitchen?) and I noticed something interesting in the jar: The liquid layer was cloudy. And any superstar scientist knows what that means...

ACTIVE FERMENTATION

I know I’ve mentioned fermentation before, but this is way more active than anything documented previously. There are two things to note as you look at the above picture. One is the floating sediment, which was not the cause of me moving the jar. The other is the ridges in the lower layer. Both are caused by the bubbles as they rise up to the upper layer and cause a massive disturbance.

The time out in the sun caused some dryness on the sides of the jar.

Before you examine the photo below, you’ll need to know that I poked four more holes into the upper layer. That’s not what you should be looking at. Check out the center.

A brighter-colored substance is crowning.

I’d have to attribute this strange occurrence to the fermentation. That’s the easy deduction. The more difficult question to answer is why fermentation became so active all of a sudden. It was either the heat from the sun, the time outside with the lid off or the result of me poking holes through the upper layer. Or I guess it could be a combination of all of that. More beer required. I mean, more thinking required.

Day 49

2006-01-28T21:36:00.000-05:00

The mix finally gets some sun.

Yes, it's true. It was warmish and sunny today, so I put the jar back outside. And it's going to be above freezing for at least a week, so it's staying out there. One thing I noticed about the layer above the liquid (the raft?) is that the very top appears dryer than the very bottom, which is touching the liquid. Activating some seldom-used portions of my brain, I realized the raft might act like like a seal and keep the liquid from evaporating while the lid is off. To remedy this, I took a dowel and pushed a small hole through the raft to the liquid layer. Some liquid immediately sprang up to the top, so I'm confident evaporation will proceed at an adequate rate.

The "raft" and the dowel hole in the center.

Day 47

2006-01-26T22:31:00.000-05:00

Good news: I bought a new camera. (Like you care)
Bad news: I haven't figured it out yet. (Like you care)

The first problem is that the camera is a top of the line A-series from Canon, and the amount of features it has can only be described as a "shitload." So it's going to take me a while to go through everything. The second problem is that the Canon software isn't opening, so I'll have to reinstall it. If that doesn't work, I'll have to go through that annoying process of combing the internet looking for advice from other miserable people.

Note the richer colors. Sweet.
The bottle on the right contains the extra ingredients,
which I still have in my fridge.

After the second stirring on Day 14, I have been leaving the mix alone. There hasn't been much change over the last two weeks, although the sediment below the liquid layer has compacted slightly, and tiny chunks from the upper layer continue to sink. Also, there has been more distinct bubbles inside the upper layer. Other than that, over the last 5 days or so, it appears things are slowing down amid the upper layer. If the process is indeed stalling, I may have to consult experts in the field to determine the correct course of action for the rest of the winter.

Day 34

2006-01-14T08:51:00.000-05:00

When the mix hit the month-mark and there was still no mold or atrocious odor, I decided to go into my official Thinker Pose and try to figure out what the hell we did. With my fist at my chin and a contemplative look on my face, I pondered our quandry with every bit of scientific knowledge I had. (So you know I didn't ponder too long.)

What my pea-sized, beer-addled brain decided was that the two beers we added contained just enough alcohol to keep the nastiest of the bacteria at bay. It was going to be relatively warm outside over the next few days, so I decided to take the top off the jar and stick the mix outside, in hopes that some of the alcohol would evaporate before the freezing weather returned. Even though my deck is screened in, I used one of my high-quality restaurant-grade strainers to cover the top of the jar, to keep any foreign material from getting inside.

Day 34. Less liquid. More "sediment." Note the clean counter.

I just went outside to retreive the jar and I got a pleasant surprise: Even though the mix doesn't have a vomit-inspiring stench, the odor that was present is much more intense. I wasn't even near the jar when I first stepped outside and smelled it. There is also a lot more junk below the liquid level. And most importantly, the level of liquid has decreased dramatically. Alcohol evaporates at a lower temperature than water, so I have to assume some of the alcohol from the beer is now gone. The jar is now back inside the house with the lid on.

Days 16-22

2006-01-14T08:48:00.000-05:00

After the stir test on Day 14, the mess separated again. And the bubbles returned. The take-away from these new photos is that, for some reason, the stuff above the liquid slowly sinks to below the liquid over a period of days.

Day 22. My creativity amps up to an astounding level when I throw a date marker into a Trash Vessel.

Day 16. Return of the bubbles and liquidy gap.

Day 14

2005-12-31T12:30:00.000-05:00

Two weeks in, and the mix finally started fermenting. There is condensation at the top of the jar, but more importantly, there are tell-tale bubbles rising up from the bottom layer of gook, through the liquid in the middle, and up through the foamy mess above. If any of you have ever brewed beer, do you know what happens when the bubbles break through the yeast and start rising through the liquid? The movement leaves a tiny trail of sediment behind as the bubble shoots upward. It looks pretty cool.

Day 14. I thought this would be a good time to stir the mix, so the foamy mess up top could have some fun too. Today's smell test was quite disturbing. The mix doesn't appear to have any more odor than it did on Day One.

Days 2-7

2005-12-22T15:04:00.000-05:00

Overall, the skanification process has been slower than I had expected, but since there are 51 weeks left, we're not too worried about it.

Day 7. More of the sludge is sinking.

Day 3. The water is still at the bottom, but some of the sludge is sinking.

Day 2. Notice here that the water has separated from the foamy, blended mass.

Day One: The Mix is Created

2005-12-19T16:50:00.000-05:00

For our donation, we started by cleaning out Red Breast’s refrigerator right after we got back from Prom Sunday afternoon. We then transferred everything to my house and blended the two starters, the first four fermentables and the first two aromatics.
We defiled a Yucca jar by drilling a hole in the lid and adding an air lock, which home-brewers use to let escaping gas out of their fermenting beer while keeping everything else out.
We wanted to wait to add the rest of the ingredients because the salt, vinegar and other preservatives in them would have slowed down the skankifying process.

Batch 1 (in jar) and batch 2. Note how much blended salmon and tomatoes looks live vomit.

Mixing vomity goodness by hand is the only way to mix vomity goodness.

The highly advanced (and hung over) engineering team devised a way to keep the air inside the jar, while avoiding a potentially deadly pressure build-up.

Day 1. In case you're wondering from this picture, we did not add Peachtree Schnapps to the mix. That was just me making Ruby Relaxers, since I didn't get to try one at John J's.

The Ingredients

2005-12-19T16:49:00.000-05:00

Here are the ingredients, and who donated them.

THE "STARTERS"
Fuzzy Tomatoes - rb
Putrid Corn Dip - rb
Moldy Instant Coffee -rb
Science-Fair-Experiment Bread -rb
Funky Feta Goo - es
Horrific Half and Half - lf
Soured Belgian Ale Yeast Culture - Ltf
Shoot the Hooch Chicken Dinner - rb

THE FERMENTABLES
Salmon - rb
Cottage Cheese - rb
Pumpkin Ale - lf
Tomato Juice - rb
Olives - lf
Baked Beans - lf
Pork Brains - lf
Potted Meat - lf
Unsulfered Molasses - lf
Marshmallow Peeps - lf
Cooked Sweet Potato - ???

THE "AROMATICS"
Steamed Red Onions - lf
Roasted Garlic - lf
Clam Juice - lf
Fish Sauce - lf
L&F's famous chili chocolate - lf
Escargot, sans shells - cwd
Octopus Chunks - cwd
Squid in Ink Sauce - cwd
Celery Salt - lf
Black Sesame Seeds - lf

THE CONDIMENTS
Mayo - rb
Mustard - rb
Ranch Dressing - rb
Hot Sauce - lf

THE BINDER
Funkified Cheese Sauce - rb
which contained:
--some random chicken dinner
--shrivelly tomatoes on the vine
--hopelessly skanky couscous
--gag-inspiring sage gouda
--hurl-inducing cream haverty

Donor Key (in alphabetical order):
cwd - Cuervo the Wonder Dog
es - Ear Shot
lf - L&F
Ltf - LaTuFu
??? - Mystery Donor
rb - Red Breast

Here are the pictures of the initial ingredients.
This is fresh Teriaki Salmon. Hint: if you want to blend fresh salmon, for the love of God, take the skin off first.

This picture's dark, but even with enough light, these steamed red onions still don't look appetizing. The roasted garlic is to the left, and is probably the best-tasting thing we added.

Some of the other ingredients. We did not add the oil, since it would have just taken up space.

The condiments are all mixed up.

Here's what the condiments looked like, when blended with Clam Juice, baked beans and olives.

The Idea

2005-12-19T16:48:00.000-05:00

The idea to donate a year-old mix for 2006 came from Ass Spelunker, who showed up to Prom 2005 with year-old milk. (That was probably a reason the fried-turkey oil we got bibbed with also smelled like vomit.)

Red Breast and I devised the recipe on the drive home from Fayetteville and figured it would be a good idea to start the mix that night, so the vile cuncockshun in the jar could fully stretch the entire year.

If you don't know what a bib looks like, here it is.

Rhino knows how to bring a bib to his master.

Hey, hold it. This bear isn't cute. This bear is bad-ass. His hash name is Rhino, and he'll tear your intestines out if you talk baby-talk around him or say his owner is a pussy. Grrrr...